It’s normal for me to overthink things. From the small day to day elements that hardly get a second mention, to the overarching difficulties in life that feel sticky in my head, there’s always something coming back to me again and again. When I’m going through life as I usually do, I’ve learned to combine a healthy mix of a stimulating and busy schedule, a calm, direct approach to over thought worries and being honest with my friends and family as a means to overcome. It’s important to both not give too much power to some of these thoughts, while also nursing them with acceptance and always embracing them. It’s a delicate balancing act, but when things are normal, it’s a challenge that can be easily handled.
However, as I’ve dealt with for months on end several years ago, sometimes for no particular reason (the most frustrating source of anxiety of all), I can find myself completely lost in my head. What should be a place of retreat and comfort feels like a war zone with so many thoughts coming from every direction, and I find myself being afraid and feeling lost about things that would never usually trouble me. Immediately there’s frustration with suddenly feeling crippled in so many areas that only weeks ago wouldn’t have upset you, and having to be so immensely patient with your own head. At its worst, it can evolve to having mornings where getting up is hard in a way words can hardly describe, to evenings when I can find myself cradling and nurturing a headspace that is violently transcending to some truly dark thoughts.
For me, creating music or writing literature has always been an escape in these troubling times. The chance to channel the tensions I feel into a project that keeps me occupied while directly engaging in the anxiety is a great way to deal with my difficulties. I know that a large part of me is so motivated to try and create a full-time career within music because, while the odds are far from great, the chance to always be confronting my difficulties in such an organic and healthy way seems terrific.
Making music allows me to both capture the feelings inside of me with something tangible, while just getting honest and vulnerable in the lyrics, and having to share that struggle and fear with the world is certainly therapeutic. My new single ‘The Unstoppable View’ aims to have an upbeat and energetic instrumentation that gives a sense of hope, positivity and strength about the topic. It combines that energy with a lyrical narrative that bleeds with honesty not only about what it feels like to have these sorts of panic attacks but strategies of constructive thinking to overcome these obstacles.
In the midst of describing what it feels like for me to be pinned down by the daily physical symptoms or the hourly raging thoughts, it can be exhausting to feel like something that should be my biggest supporter (myself), is the thing holding me back most. But that’s okay. With time, belief and support, it can always work out.
Life hasn’t always been easy, but I know that is true for absolutely everyone that surrounds me. Beyond this hardship, I’ve had to deal with several others, both physical and mental, but what powers me on is not a sense of personal bravado, it is knowing that all my loved ones deal with similar things, and as a society, we just have to bind together. Share ourselves completely through whatever medium suits us best, and find the strength to admit and recognise what we’re going through, and soon realise we’re all stronger as of result of these pains.
Life is beautiful for both the great times and for the bad, and it’s when under turbulence that you can gain some truly insightful exposure. The more you feel damaged by the weight of battles like depression or anxiety, the more you learn to be in touch with yourself. The only real way to overcome is to have an acceptance of the situation and always be loving yourself regardless of what happens. Combined with enough patience to climb out of the hole and the perseverance to do what needs to be done on a daily basis.
It’s okay to be having awful times, and as long as you always remember to love yourself and accept who you can sometimes be, find healthy proactive means to return to your stable state and find strength in both others and yourself, it’ll all be okay. I’m in the middle of some really rough months at the moment, but the only way for everybody in times like these is up. Never be afraid to tell others how you’re feeling, be ready to lean on others and get ready to lead the way out.
Founded in Singapore in 2016 as the vehicle for music and stories that needed to be shared, Vandenborre is a London based Indie project lead by musician/writer Nicolas Vandenborre. In terms of sound, Vandenborre has been delving, blending and exploring the realms of funk, electronica, rock, and acoustica, producing a refreshingly unique take on experimental indie music.