Tonetta, Tonetta, what hast thou dunst? Music used to be a pure and innocent form of entertainment. Now thanks to you it’s laden with sexual misconduct, cross-dressing that puts Jack & Jill to shame and pretty much any other nasty you can think of. Especially the ones that will get you arrested pretty much anywhere but Tonetta’s basement. It must be a micro-nation because some of the stuff (I am assuming) he does down there cannot be legal.
Here is, everyone’s favorite YouTube porn star – TONETTA!
This is sexual deviancy at its finest!
Tonetta (Tony Jeffrey) is an old man, a really old man. Keep in mind he went to kindergarten with Gandalf the Grey, who later became Gandalf the White. If he was in a children’s film (my prayers go out to Morgan Freeman that he never will be) he would play a troll, the kind of troll you wouldn’t let run a daycare center, because trolls are usually very trustworthy people and I would go out of my way to leave my future children with trolls or even something along the lines of Rumpelstilskin. Which funnily enough is his safety word.
He is from Toronto, Canada and he has the beadiest eyes I have ever seen. His eyes kind of suck your soul out and make love to it while leaving you with a feeling that life just isn’t worth it. His hobbies consist of torturing small animals, wolf whistling at children and writing music with accompanying videoclips. His discography includes such international smash hits such as Drugs Drugs Drugs, 81 Prime Inch Ass, Sweet & Sexy, G&B Showers, etc. His video clips usually consist of him wearing a g-string, dresses, bikinis, wigs, basically anything where you get to see some skin. Hey, a man has to show off his alluring body somehow.
He has also publicly stated, on YouTube, that he (Tony) is in love with Tonetta (his female moniker) and that he, how do I put this lightly, performs sexual acts upon himself whilst viewing his own videos.
‘It’s hard to fall in love with someone when you’re in love with yourself.’
As you may have guessed by now he has been banned from YouTube an uncountable amount of times now (69?), all of his videos are still available though thanks to a few beautiful people who saw the inevitable shunning of the YouTube censor community.
He has been performing music for going on 27 (Jupiter) years now, which is longer than most current bands, that’s no easy achievement! (it’s pretty easy actually.) He is apparently a very shy person and refuses to perform live shows due to this. However, he isn’t shy enough to put hundreds of videos of him half naked online singing ‘I want to tickle your ass with my tongue’.
He has released few albums through Black Tent Press – 777, 777 Vol. II and 777 Volume III which is a double LP. He has also released a single “Get it Going with Mmm Mama!”
He was an instant hit in my eyes, so many great tracks that venture through many musical landscapes and lyrical themes. Most of which involve a 4/4 basic rock beat and some form of sex. But hey, do what you know best.
He’s just an old man, presumably retired, making the music he wants to hear and releasing it on an outlet freely available to everyone. No matter how much you despise this man you still have to respect him for doing his own thing.
Did I mention his main influence is John Lennon? You can really hear the remnants of the late Lennon in his lyrics –
‘Yummy yummy yummy yummy pizza
Yummy yummy yummy yummy you
The only slice I truly like
Costs more than a buck or two
When we go out it’s buy buy buy
Me this and that and more (oh yeah)
When we return my wallet learns
My girl’s my personal whore’ – (Yummy Yummy Pizza)
There’s not much else for me to say about Tonetta that you won’t learn by viewing a couple of his YouTube videos. This is a safety hazard, you will become addicted, it will consume your life for the next few months and you will be confused by your own sexuality during this time. Be cautious and wear protection but most of all have a great time, enjoy the many splendors of Tonetta, but not too much.
Try not to get too depressed either, keep a couple of happy things around…just incase.
I love you.
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