The Rant Sessions: Anthony’s Ears are Bleeding and it Hurts

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The original definition of music is as follows:

The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion.

Unfortunately those of you who were born in the last 20-years it’s something along the lines of:

The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce a basic 4/4 beat, some beeps and the following words ‘hoe, sex, booze, etc’.

Yes, I am aware there are some of you out there who are yelling at your computer screen, probably punching through it trying to grab my throat, yelling guttural noises that don’t really form what you are trying to say which is ‘But Anthony! There has always been bad music, think of Rick Astley, think of, think of Backstreet Boys!’ I understand, and I agree; I just like being angry.

But, really, you can’t compare Backstreet Boys – the gorgeous teenage heart throbs that they were – to some one like, lets say, Nicki Minaj.

Backstreet Boys’ lyrical content:

Going on dates, kissing, being back, wanting things a certain way.

Nicki Minaj’s lyrical content:

Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass.

Now, let’s compare N-Sync to Lady Gaga, I know you all love and support N-Sync. ’cause if it weren’t for them none of you would have that ‘really good’ and ‘extremely talented’ Hollywood actor Justin Timberlake, right? At least we got something which I can kind of understand out of those guys. WHAT HAS LADY GAGA EVER GIVEN TO THE WORLD?* Meat dresses? My son has nightmares about meat dresses thanks to her.** Kermit the Frog dress things? Could you imagine how she designs these clothes? She probably hires a guy at the cold storage room at the butcher, then a toystore or a zoo, then gets a bunch of guys to spray her down with a Firehose that shoots glue and then she just rolls around for 45-50 minutes then goes about her day like some sort of magnet with nails and paperclips attached to it.

I know, I know, I’m wrong. You’re still saying ‘but Anthony, you conceited cry baby; think of how much people hated rag-time back in it’s day,’ and yet again, I agree! I would counter this with something like ‘screw you,’ and then probably listen to ‘The Entertainer’ on repeat for a couple of hours while a single tear, repeatedly, rolls down my face.

Okay, okay. I know, you’re right. But, ragtime, that was one style of music! ONE! In a time of no TV, no Internet, there was no real media back then. Now it’s everywhere, you get your nu-metals, your dub-steps, your MTV-hip-hop and it’s available 24/7 for 16-year olds to download and listen to on the bus with out headphones. It’s constant, there’s no way out of it. I bet even the guy that 127 Hours really happened to still heard the latest Nickelback album about 18 times while he was down there.

Let’s not support this stuff anymore. Urinate on any available radio, punch holes in TV screens instead of your computer (see paragraph 3), take radio presenters and DJs hostage and lastly, if you see Nicki Minaj in the street, please, PLEASE, trip her over into a Puddle of Mudd.

Ps. Feel free to imagine some Kanye West jokes here and there as well, I hate that guy. Who publicly states they ‘don’t see the point in books’ writes one and leaves it riddled with spelling mistakes? Who does this guy think he is?

*I don’t really have a son but if I did I’m sure he would.

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Angela Mastrogiacomo

Founder of Infectious Magazine & Muddy Paw Public Relations. Lover of passion, ice cream, and books.

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